….Watering Baz (the Basil plant)

The surface leaves are pretty, look healthy, are keeping up appearances. I pluck them, smell them, savour them and use them. They taste wonderful. I wish that Baz had only healthy leaves.

The leaves below are thinner, sadder, some are browning, dying, falling away. I worry about them. I want to fix them. They are not right, not happy, I am doing something wrong. I want to hide them. So I keep my gaze on the top leaves. The bottom ones keep falling.

The roots are growing. This plant is young, it is in a new and too-small home and it is pushing, pushing, craving more space. More space would kill it, it’s too soon for a bigger pot. It is gaining strength every day. I cherish the plans I have for it, the lengths and heights it will be given the opportunity to go to, when it’s actually ready. If it doesn’t give up.

I will keep watering the plant. I will try to remember that every leaf makes up the whole. And I will keep on adding water.

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So, there I was….

….explaining how in art and in writing I try only to express myself and not what I think I want someone else to see or hear. ‘Never write to be read,’ I said. ‘It kills all chance of honest expression’. These words, spoken a mere 48 hours before I found myself here, composing my first heading and wondering which background to pick, which question to ask, which who to invite and entrust, and what it would all entail.

An interesting choice, then, a blog, mostly for others’ benefit, as they appear to be. How can anything written in this box truly be anything other than for-another? And, more importantly, why bother? Hasn’t everyone said it all and said it again and found that the more they say the more they have to say and haven’t they eventually lost track of why they were saying it anyway?

What made me start….poetry, probably – it doesn’t feel safe on a book about faces. And photography, too. At least here it’s a little more….here. A little less…local – you know what I mean – we’ve all seen the shots of the late-nights and the holiday snaps and the dogs and the cats and the weddings and the babies, of everyone we’ve never even met before but they were in a picture with our best friend’s housemate’s boyfriend and we’re not sure how but we were browsing something else some hours ago and we meant to stop but we somehow forgot. So….here we are. Here I am.

And there we go.

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