ego sits in the back of my neck
It tightens my muscles when it’s afraid
I may be about to do something it doesn’t like

It crawls up into the back of my head
Traps my tongue
Makes it too large for my mouth

It squeezes my lungs
Makes my pulse speed up
Sends shivers through my arms to my wrists and fingertips

They tingle

My jaw clenches, legs get heavy
Tickly sensations get too important to ignore
My toes twitch

Fear grips my chest and rises, blocks my throat
My tongue still can’t relax, it’s wedged into my mouth
Jammed behind my teeth

My teeth tap

Move, says ego

Clenching, quietly
Keeping calm
As panic waves over me

I take a deep breath
My arm hurts
My neck tweaks

…it plays songs in my head
Tries to distract me from plotting its demise
Takes me to moments of weakness, no will-power

It’s crying

No, it wails
Not that
No!…and I smile

I think I just found your Achilles’ Heel, my friend
I think I just found out
How to turn this frown

I think….
We’re done


February 2010 – Braziers Park, UK


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