DIFFERENT SHOES

Food-numbing
Full to the brim and over-indulged
Able to ignore the emotions
Hold them at bay

Active disconnection from consciousness
Feel the blockage
Bodily dysfunction
Tension mounting
Making a scream form
Unifying the mental unsettlement
Into one high-pitched lament

What am I meant to do?
For fuck’s sake, what am I meant to do?

Master the art of patience and tolerance
Amid the total passivity of this person?

Please, I beg of you
Prepare to feel the wrath of regret
It takes hold when you least expect it to

Too much to ask that I not perpetuate the cycle
Emotional wheels go round and round
As I get off
He gets on
And pulls away, imperceptibly

Scandalous sentiment sends us reeling into oblivion
Picking ourselves up off the floor
Before too long

Patterns repeat themselves endlessly
Until the final flourish is in sight

The tunnel is a vision
Of grays and spot-lights
At the end
Clear but for the occasional car
Calm but for the chaos

We turn into the daylight
Shining
Understanding dawns with the sun
And rises with the moon
Challenging a conscious response
Receiving nothing but a trapped tongue

It is now as it was then
But different shoes are on other feet
And forgiveness is not yet dished out

The sin has not yet been committed
Our crimes are never simple

 

February 2010 – Braziers Park, UK

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